For my lovely boy, may you always remember my love:
I wanted to write
you a poem.
But couldn’t
start,
Because the words,
the words
They dropped away
As soon as I thought
of them.
Integral threads
engraved
In my mind, in my
heart.
With unshakeable
love -
Words always fail,
Fall flat,
Their vigour pale -
A faded comparison.
Then I realized
Your whole life was
a poem -
Invisible ink etched
into time.
Slinking out with
your curious face
Inquisitively
looking into mine.
You found me.
With sleek, soft
grace
And a daredevil side
Showing me that
living
Instinctively takes
guts – and -
As alone as I felt
I never was actually
alone.
Did
I take it for granted
How
many times
You
bounced back?
Hope's unspoken expectation.
Hope's unspoken expectation.
Energy
uncrushed
While
I was a mess of tears,
Dread,
staying-in-bed
A
stress-ball-of-angst
Stretching
covers over my head.
But
you -
Resiliency,
an understatement.
Your
spirit untouched.
That
last phone call
Time’s
pieces rushed,
Flew
backwards,
Forwards,
crushed,
Stopped.
My
mind, the room,
Blank,
sterile, holding its breath;
White,
silent, and thick
As
after a heavy snowfall.
It
cannot be processed
Like
some sick dream.
I
don’t
want you to be afraid -
I
am
afraid.
Do
you know?
I
memorize your eyes
Pools
of liquid gold,
Two
amber flecks
On
the right side.
For
the first time I notice
My
own reflection,
Your pupils, deep like mirrors:
Revealing
our connection.
Time
aches and eats
But
gave us so much.
You
lay your head down -
A
gently curled paw.
Are
you safe now?
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